Dez Reads. But look at what he accomplished.

It’s the annual pre-summer solstice Dez Reads, and the vibes are tremendous.

This week, we introduce new Dez hire Phil Bogdan to the world. Phil writes about a 3 mph police chase in which the criminal flees in a commercial excavator (actual police cam footage featured below). Welcome to the firm.

Kaci Donegan gets the award for most seasonally relevant submission this week, with a look at the Washington Nationals new bat dog, Bruce, recently called up from Triple-A Rochester. DC needed this badly.

Our local airport correspondent Mark Emerson, with a rollicking tale of a DoorDash driver who broke all TSA protocols for a highly illegal and unsafe tarmac food delivery. This does little for my confidence in the Federal Aviation Administration.

Maggie Johnston and Diane Chaaban bring us home this week, Maggie with a reflective take on the ethics of true crime fandom and Diane with a hot deal on Club World Cup tickets here in the States.

Find a pool this weekend, and thanks, as always, for reading along with us.

Here we go.

Crime.

AP. Not-so-hot pursuit of burglary suspect sees police cars chase tractor excavator at walking pace

With blue lights and sirens blazing, South Carolina police chased an excavator down a highway at an eye-watering 3 MPH. Police pursued the driver, allegedly fleeing a burglary, for 1.25 hours before he veered off into a fairground, where he was arrested.

Some would call the suspect’s choice of getaway vehicles questionable. But as the son of a longtime police veteran, I learned to never underestimate the criminal mind.

From a criminal’s perspective, an excavator can be an excellent getaway vehicle. Yes, it’s slow, but it’s immune to spike strips. Police can’t bump an excavator’s rear and send it spinning into a ditch. And excavators are like giant tanks the police wouldn’t dare mess with.

Did he get caught? Yes, but look at what he accomplished. His chase lasted well over an hour when the average high-speed chase only lasts a few minutes. His bail bond was set at just $22,000 thanks to his relatively responsible driving. Bonds set in some high-speed pursuits can break $200,000. There you have it: maximum chase time at minimal cost. Sometimes slow and steady really can win the race, depending on how you define the wins.

– Phil Bogdan

Sports.

CNN. Washington Nationals’ ‘top paw-spect’ makes MLB debut… Bruce the Bat Dog

The Washington Nationals just called up their latest addition from the minor leagues – and he might just be the most popular rookie in franchise history. No, he’s not a hard-throwing pitcher or a power-hitting slugger, he’s Bruce the Bat Dog, a year and a half old golden retriever who made his big league debut last Friday.

Bruce was called up after impressing the organization during his time with the Rochester Red Wings, the Nationals’ Triple-A affiliate. The moment he trotted onto the field to retrieve bats, the crowd at Nationals Park went wild. Kids cheered, adults grinned, and even some of the players paused to watch Bruce do his thing.

Bat dogs have long been a staple of minor league baseball, bringing a special kind of joy and chaos to the game, but Bruce’s appearance marked a first for the majors – even if it was just for a pregame show.

According to the Nationals, Bruce leads the organization in “head pats, belly rubs, and ‘good boys’ since making his first professional appearance” – a stat any rookie would envy.

The Nationals may have fallen short against the Marlins, but I would consider Bruce’s debut a win for the entire organization. Official roster or not, he has already earned his spot in fans’ hearts.

– Kaci Donegan

Security.

NY Post. DoorDash driver sparks security alert at major airport after entering ‘unauthorized’ area: ‘Who the heck is that?’

I appreciate good end-to-end service. There's nothing I'd love more than for air travel or food delivery to become truly seamless (yes, here we go again) – less waiting, fewer lines, and the food is still hot. So, credit where it's due, as DoorDash seems to be stepping up their game. Forget curbside drop-off. This driver took a delivery straight to the tarmac. Talk about white-glove service.

Over the weekend, a DoorDash driver accidentally made it into the secure area of Chicago O'Hare Airport and drove miles through restricted roads and taxiways before anyone noticed. The driver was eventually spotted by the control tower. Police called it an honest mistake, and since no harm was done, no charges were filed.

Lol, what? Is this the same service that dropped off the pilot who forgot his passport, only to realize it in midair and cause a six-hour delay?

I get it. The driver made a wrong turn. But at what point does security or anyone step in and say, "Hey, maybe this random car shouldn't be on runway three"? Skipping airport security and TSA sounds great in theory, but maybe not like this. I'm going to keep pointing out these airline shenanigans until something is done. Truly the work of the people.

– Mark Emerson

Justice.

NBC News. Karen Read found not guilty of murder in retrial in boyfriend's death

Get the confetti (literally, in the case of one overly obsessed fan). Three years, two trials, and several million taxpayer dollars later, we finally have a verdict: Karen Read is not guilty.

Her trial(s) received an unbelievable amount of attention. True crime influencers, Facebook groups, Reddit threads, and live reaction streams. I personally find this level of fascination uncomfortable. A man is dead. Regardless of guilt, watching people treat a murder trial like reality TV just feels wrong. Seeing someone set off a confetti cannon outside the courthouse after a homicide trial will never sit right with me. That’s not justice.

I know I’m on my high horse here. I watched the documentary. I followed the trial. I read the posts. But the deeper I got into it, the worse it felt. The best way I can describe it is “icky.”

I’m usually in favor of transparency, but I don’t think trials should be livestreamed. Every time it happens, the trial becomes more about theatrics than facts. People pick sides like it’s a game. We’ve seen it with OJ Simpson, Johnny Depp, and now Karen Read. It’s disappointing how quickly humanity gets lost and how easily we lose sight of the bigger picture.

I’m glad Karen Read is not guilty. I think it was the right verdict. But maybe leave the confetti at home.

– Maggie Johnston

Events.

NYT. Watch Messi for $4 at Club World Cup? FIFA offering drastic discounts to opening game

This year’s FIFA Club World Cup is making headlines for all the wrong reasons, but it’s turning out to be a big win for soccer fans’ wallets.

When FIFA announced that the 2025 tournament was expanding from 7 to 32 teams, it was met with considerable backlash from football clubs and fans, calling the move a blatant cash grab that would exhaust players and dilute the competition’s prestige – are 32 teams really the “best of the best”?

As the tournament kicks off this week, ticket sales have flopped. There are many theories as to the source of the ticketing slump: America’s lukewarm soccer culture, the current US political climate, and oversized stadiums, but I think it comes down to good old-fashioned logistics.

With 63 matches played in – checks notes – 12 different stadiums across the US, following your favorite team means juggling pricey tickets, hotels, and flights – often with no guarantee you’ll even see your team play. No thanks.

The silver lining? FIFA is slashing ticket prices to fill those empty seats. If you’re lucky enough to live near one of the game stadiums, you can see the absolute best soccer players in the entire world play for as little as $56 in some cases. Now that’s a once in a lifetime score!

– Diane Chaaban

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