You’ve got your deputy editor, Mark Emerson, at the helm this week while Josh is off the grid in an RV trying to get Wi-Fi from a lakeshore in Northern Michigan.
We lead off with a trending arrest that’s too bizarre not to laugh at as a Florida man dressed as Chuck E. Cheese was busted for credit card theft in front of horrified patrons. Josh, ever committed to the bit, used AI to reimagine me collaring the rat myself. Let’s hope the kids got a free slice.
While bittersweet, a big shoutout to our own Maggie Johnston, who’s heading to Harvard Law this August (what, like it’s hard?). She leaves us with one final dispatch from the Tour de France, where diseased cows forced a course reroute. Good luck, Maggie – you’re going to crush whatever life throws your way. You and your PowerPoints will be missed.
Mike Bova takes us back to the classroom with a strong take on banning phones in schools and yes, he gets booed for it.
Diane Chaaban breaks down why Commanders fans may need to buy new merch… again. And Phil Bogdan rounds things out with a crunchy perspective on bug snacks and why only marketing might make them palatable.
We hope you all enjoy what’s left of this summer stretch. I know I will.
Here we go.
Mascot Mayhem
This is just the funniest story on the internet this week, and you should read it.
Then you should create AI-generated memes about your colleagues putting Charles Entertainment Cheese in bracelets (see above).
– Josh Culling
Bovine Detour
BBC. Tour de France route changed because of diseased cows
The only thing that seems remotely capable of disrupting Tadej Pogačar’s steady march toward a fourth Tour de France title is if he were trampled — or infected — by a runaway diseased cow. This week, the cycling gods nearly delivered. A contagious nodular dermatitis outbreak in a cow herd along the planned Stage 19 route forced organizers to shorten the course just before hooves could meet handlebars. It’s a shame, really. For those of us still clinging to hope for Jonas Vingegaard, this was looking like our best shot. Unfortunately, the Tour caught on in time.
That said, I don’t want to make too light of the situation. Diseases like this can devastate farming communities, affecting not just livestock but entire local economies and livelihoods. Given the timing, I’d love to see the cycling community come together and offer them some support.
– Maggie Johnston
Phone Ban Backlash
Pew Research. Americans’ support for school cellphone bans has ticked up since last year
The Parent revolt against the machines continues. New Pew research found that 74% of U.S. adults say they would support banning middle and high school students from using cellphones during class, up from 68% last fall. Majorities across all age groups now support banning cellphone use during class, adults under 30 were the last hold outs (57% now support a ban compared to 45% last year).
For our more techno-positive readers there is hope for you, but it looks like the winds are shifting, as a majority of adults are not yet ready for outright bans during the entire school day (44% up from 36% last year). Personally, I support the all-day ban, keep it in your locker during the day and after school you can scroll to your heart’s desire. When I told a colleague that lunchtime is for eating and running around outside he boo’d me, but it looks like public opinion is shifting toward my nostalgia-driven take.
I am old enough to remember getting my flip phone taken away if I took it out in the hallway in-between classes. But here I go again with my “back in my day” thinking.
– Mike Bova
Name Game
NYT. Trump Urges Washington and Cleveland Sports Teams to Revert to Former Names
What’s in a Name? For Commanders Fans, Pain—in the Wallet and Soul
Wait, what is our name now? On July 20th President Trump took to Truth Social saying that the Washington “Whatever’s” should revert their name back to the Washington Redskins or he might block approval of their bid for a new stadium complex that would bring the Commanders back to Washington DC at the former RFK Stadium. Fans of – what do we call them? – the formerly named Redskins, now named Commanders, maybe Redskins again fans audibly groaned.
The whiplash is too soon. The Redskins name was retired in 2020 at the behest of sponsors, with the most literal, yet least exciting interim name of “Washington Football Team” until 2022, when the team settled on changing the name to the underwhelmingly accepted name of the “Commanders.” The announcement came with a new logo, new uniforms, and, critically, plenty of new stuff to buy. Here’s where fans’ pocketbooks are crying: new name, new merch. I feel about this the same way I do when Apple changes their adapters, ugh, I have to buy all new ones again!
All eyes will be on the DC city council’s vote on the new stadium location on July 29th, the question is – what jersey to wear.
– Diane Chaaban
Bug Snacks Blues
Phys.org. The cricket ick factor: Sustainability not a selling point for bug-based snacks
If you could eat food that was good for you and the planet, you would take one for the team and eat it, right?
Of course, you would. Now scarf down this bag of cricket chips.
For years, food activists have been pushing the idea that our planet’s food shortage and greenhouse gas issues could be solved if only people would just eat bugs instead of livestock.
Perhaps some well-intentioned food scientists at the University of Alberta were testing the plausibility of that theory by studying consumers’ preferences for bug snacks.
The results of the study were as predictable as gravity itself: No matter how life-saving and beneficial eating bugs would be – for us or our planet, we’ll pass on the bugs and just Venmo our favorite charity.
But if there’s a serious will to sell bugs as food, I’m sure we’ll soon find more of them in our grocery stores (yes, they’re already there; just look up carminic acid). Why? Because good marketing trumps human perceptions. Just look at cola. If you didn’t know what it was, would you dare drink it? Or eat a bratwurst? Probably not, and you know why. But thanks to never-ending ad bombardments, they’re both summer staples. Cricket chips aren’t so different. A $1 billion ad spend could give potato chips a run for their money.
– Phil Bogdan
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