Dez Reads. Definitely not a bag of drugs.

I’m not even going to tease Beach’s leader this week about hilariously dumb criminals. Just read it.

Also this week, in the spirit of always innovating, Anne Marie introduces a reader poll to the Dez Reads mix, which will be of interest to our robust True Crime DR community. Be sure to weigh in on who you think should star in the almost-certain Hollywood production of the Karen Read case.

Maya Shackley, my fellow spouse of a Brit, perfectly captures what makes Wimbledon special. I feel similarly in many ways about The Masters.

Maggie Johnston’s contribution made me laugh 99 percent as much as Beach’s. As an Ohio University alum, I can relate to this man who joined his own search party, for reasons that will be obvious if you understand Ohio University and read her story.

And Jen Hirshon closes us out with the story of the $10 million Birkin bag.

Jen also had a blurb that I had to cut this week, informing our readers that 7-Eleven is handing out free Slurpees today, on 7/11 from 11 to 7. Say that five times fast and then go cool off with America’s favorite, and RFK’s least favorite, summer refreshment.

Thanks, as always, for reading along with us.

Here we go.

Criminal Masterminds

WFRV. Wisconsin officers find drugs, guns in bag labeled 'Definitely Not a Bag Full of Drugs'

In the annals of criminal strategy, there are masterminds, and then there are the two gentlemen from Kenosha, Wisconsin. Their brilliant plan to hide a gun and drugs to get the police off their back? Shove it all into a bag aptly labeled, "Definitely Not a Bag Full of Drugs." One can only imagine the conversation our modern Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid had while plotting their dastardly deed: "Dude, it's brilliant. It's like, reverse psychology. The cops will never suspect a thing."

Narrator: The cops did in fact suspect something. Our dynamic duo’s sophisticated ruse failed to account for two things. First, basic human suspicion. Second, and more importantly, the nose of a dog. Chase, a police dog immune to human ingenuity and unburdened by high-concept strategies, easily sniffed out the contraband. The men were promptly arrested and now face a slew of felony charges.

It seems a clever tote bag is no match for a dog's nose, proving once again that sometimes, the most obvious hiding spot is also the dumbest.

A for effort, F for execution.

– Nathaniel Beach

Courtroom Cinema

Vanity Fair. Karen Read’s Defense Attorney Talks: “We Brought to Light Some Very Uncomfortable Realities”

True crime enthusiasts know Karen Read, a former financial analyst and adjunct professor, just won the second trial of her life in Massachusetts.

If this is news to you: Read was on trial a second time for charges including murder, vehicular manslaughter while operating under the influence, and leaving the scene of a collision resulting in death, all related to her boyfriend John O’Keefe’s death in 2022.

Real life courtroom dramas have been front and center in American’s entertainment consumption since the O.J. Simpson trial in 1995. There’s plenty to be entertained by in these high-profile cases, but nothing is more cinematic to me than the legal theater of it all.

While it’s the defendant whose freedom is on the line, the legal team is the star of the show. Few attorneys have more main character energy than Alan Jackson, Read’s lead litigator. Dubbed “a courtroom orator with a theatrical flair,” his cross-examinations and deep understanding of his audience (the jury), were a masterclass in psychology, debate and performance.

If you didn’t watch the live trial coverage, it’s truly your loss. But fear not, Jackson and Read are entertaining book, script and screen deals. I’m taking bets (for legal reasons: not really) on who will deliver a fictionalized version of Jackson’s courtroom magnum opus. David Boreanaz of Bones fame, Andrew Scott (the hot priest in Fleabag), and John Hamm are my leading contenders to play Jackson in the likely forthcoming limited series.

Want to play along? Cast your vote below.

– Anne Marie Malecha

Tradition With a Backhand

BHG. Wimbledon Traditions: Why We Keep Coming Back for the Tennis… and the Strawberries

Wimbledon isn’t just a tennis tournament—it’s a meticulously curated time capsule with a scoreboard. Here’s what makes it so charmingly British and utterly irresistible:

At Wimbledon, players dress like they’re heading to an Edwardian Garden party. No neon, no logos, no exceptions. Even a rogue trim of color has been known to cause a scandal. But let’s be honest watching the world’s best athletes duel it out while dressed like angels? Iconic.

Where else can you spot royalty, A-listers, and an extremely serious Duke of Kent all squinting into the sun together? Players used to bow or curtsy to the royal family, and while that’s mostly gone, the vibe remains: posh, polished, and slightly awkward.

The only Grand Slam still played on grass—because mowing lawns is a sport in itself — groundskeepers treat Centre Court like sacred turf, with daily trims and the kind of attention usually reserved for bonsai trees.

In a world of logo overload, Wimbledon keeps it classy. You’ll see more actual Rolexes than you will Rolex ads. Even the sponsors whisper. It’s refreshing, elegant, and a little bit smug—just the way we like it.

The Ball Boys and Ball Girls are trained with military precision to zip around unnoticed. No fidgeting. No blinking. No messing up the bounce pass. Honestly, Wimbledon might be the only place where teens don’t look at their phones.

Bottom line: Wimbledon is a delicious mix of lace-gloved tradition and world-class athleticism. It’s one of the few places where sipping Pimm’s while discussing backhands feels completely normal. And it’s precisely those rituals—both bizarre and beautiful—that make it magic.

– Maya Shackley

Lost and Found... Yourself

BBC. Turkey: 'Missing' man joins search party looking for himself

I think we’ve all had those mornings – waking up disoriented, a little foggy, and trying to piece together exactly what happened the night before. Maybe you lost your phone, your wallet, your sense of time. But Beyhan Mutlu set a new standard when he drunkenly joined a search party… looking for himself.

After wandering off into a forest in Turkey’s Bursa province following a night of drinking, Mutlu's friends reported him missing. Hours later, he came across a group of volunteers shouting his name and thought, sure, why not help them find this poor guy. It wasn’t until someone yelled “Beyhan Mutlu” and he casually replied, “I am here,” that anyone realized what had happened.

A rare, wholesome ending to a missing person story… and honestly, a sitcom-worthy hangover tale.

– Maggie Johnston

Luxury With Crumbs

CNN. Jane Birkin’s original Hermès bag sells for $10 million | CNN

Jane Birkin’s original Hermès bag has rewritten the record books, fetching an astonishing $10 million at Sotheby’s in Paris, becoming the most valuable handbag ever sold at auction. Watch the video to hear the gasps and applause.

I watched and asked why anyone would pay so much for a bag that still has crumbs inside! This sale isn’t really about the bag itself. At this level, it’s not about craftsmanship or even the Birkin’s storied past. It’s about the flex, making a statement simply because you can.

The Birkin Bag, once a practical accessory for Jane Birkin herself, has become a cultural artifact that blurs the lines between art and investment. It sets a new benchmark for luxury excess and transforms the Birkin from a practical accessory into a symbol of high art and high finance. Where in the end it is not about owning “the Birkin” it’s flexing that you can.

– Jen Hirshon

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